Can I give you my phone number?

That title may scare some. Reasonably so. Stick with me, I have a point I promise.
I have two places here in my home town that I repeat the above question more times then I can count. And, every time I do, I am rewarded in one way or another. Those two places are Maverik and Smiths. Both places, when I ask, and they enter my phone number, my profile, or account is brought up and updated. Either by what I am buying, or the amount I am buying.
I have a slight (HUGE) addiction to diet Pepsi. So, every time I go into Maverik and give my phone number to the cashier, another refill is added to my account. Every time I reach 10, I get a free one. I am easily amused and yes, free caffeine is huge in my world! I like that they do the rewards program. I am a loyal customer and I feel appreciated.
Smith’s is somewhat the same on a bigger scale. Every time I enter my phone number I am either the recipient of special sale prices, or special coupons. Again, I am a loyal customer and they reward me for it. When I put in my phone number, the system recognizes me and knows me. It tracks my purchases and habits, and then responds appropriately to me. If I put in my phone number and all the sudden it started spitting out coupons for either Budweiser or Depends, I would know that there was a glitch in the system, or a malfunction somewhere. For some reason the system did not recognize me. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those products, at all, but they’re not generally on my shopping list. My phone number, my account, my profile, it knows me by it.
Long way around the bend. In the past, before my DH and I were aware of his bipolar, when he would get really angry or fly off the handle (now we know, go into an episode…) I would ask him, “Who do you see when you look at me?”. “Who are you seeing when you’re that angry?” I would ask because the response was so over the top huge and didn’t seem to fit the situation. He would struggle to answer or couldn’t answer. Sometimes now, I still wonder the same. Now, I do know that during an episode he is foggy and not thinking clearly but just before and right after, when I can see in his eyes that he’s clear, it makes me wonder how I can get him to see me. Not because I am so fantastic. Not because I want to throw a pity party, but just to see me. I wonder if it would make any difference if I could ask him if I could give him my phone number and it would bring up my profile for him to see;
Oh, it’s my wife. My partner. My best friend. She doesn’t mean me harm. I can be vulnerable and honest with her about my feelings and she will help me through this. I can ask for her to hug me and she will. I can tell her I am hurting, or confused, or struggling, or swimming, or sinking, or angry, or depressed, or spinning, or, or, or, and she won’t make fun of me. She loves me. She will help me, or just hold me. I don’t want to hurt her, she didn’t cause this. She’s not the focus or the reason for this, she someone I can hang onto to get through this until we get through to the other side. She wants what’s best for me because she truly loves me. She means me no harm and her intent is pure. She wants what’s best for me. Okay, I see it now.
I know, it doesn’t completely make sense. Just a thought in my head. Sometimes if life were as easy as buying my diet Pepsi……


Who’s Driving?

Happy Friday all!!

I wanted to take a few minutes of this beautiful day and share a few thoughts that have been rattling around in my head for the last few days.

Who’s driving?  In our home, this is a common question.  We are a one car couple.  My teenage daughter has a car, but the DH and I share one.  Common to most days is the question, who’s driving.  If it’s very, very early in the morning and my DH is headed to work, it’s always me driving.  When we are on trips out of town, it’s always my DH driving (I know this sounds very weird, I promise there’s a point to this, stick with me).  Who’s driving for us depends on the destination, goal, or desired result.  Case in point, very early mornings I drive because my DH barely has his eyes open and takes longer to wake up then I do.  Out of town trips, and in bigger cities, my DH always drives because I have no sense of direction and I ball up like a baby and all but suck my thumb in heavy traffic and multiple lanes.  Depending on the needs, and desired results, we choose who’s best to drive.  Seems simple enough.  But, maybe not.

I had a devotional the other day in my #Dailybread and it asked the same question.  Great devotional, but I am going to flesh it out a little further.  Everyday, according to desired results, we allow something to drive us.  Is it joy?  Is it anger?  Spite?  Greed? Jealousy?  Depression?  Love? Or, funny enough, the most common of all; circumstances?  Do we purposely choose our path and decisions of the day by choosing what we allow to drive us, or do we allow ourselves to be tossed to and fro by the circumstances of the day and just go with it? Can the people around us spot when we are being intentional and when we are just on autopilot?  If I wake up each morning with the goal of being driven by love in every one the decisions, choices, and encounters I have, will it show?  If I have anger in my heart, or resentment, and instead, allow that to drive every one of my encounters and decisions, would that show?  If I wake up each day, with no real determination to take control of my decisions and encounters with others, will they be deliberate, or whatever I am feeling at the time?  I’m choosing to be intentional.  I’m choosing to be driven by joy, love, thankfulness, and grace. In choosing this, I understand I am going to need to make this choice everyday.  Some days, probably several times a day.  It’s okay, it’s worth it, and I can do this 😉

Monday musings:)

Lord, all I have, all that I am, is Yours

Happy Monday!  A new day, a fresh new week, and well; honestly, a do-over from the missteps and mistakes of yesterday.  Due to the fact that I have missteps and mistakes in every one of my days, the latter is my most favorite part of each new day!  Another chance filled with grace, mercy, and provision to get it right and to be a better me!  Funny how with age (I would say maturity, but that is relative in different areas my life for me!), I compete less and less with those around me and more and more with myself.  I used to spend so much time striving for others’ acceptance, and more often, kudos, then I spent making sure that I was shining in the skin I was created in.  Now, I am at peace more with the skin I am in, and spend my efforts towards being the very best version of me that I can be.  After all, it took me all these years to figure out that there really truly is only one of me on this earth, (a collective sigh of relief from the peanut gallery, better known as my family!).

Last week was a heavy one in several areas.  In our country, there’s politics, news, division, and too much hate.  In our State, there were surprise election results and uncertainty as to what that will mean, (I cannot express the importance of exercising your right to vote in our free country that allows that freedom).  In our town, another suicide of a young man just old enough to completely be crushed by the weight of peers’ words and judgements, and our society’s view of acceptance and perfection.  In our home, my adolescent daughter’s friend was just released from the juvenile detention center after 3 weeks for an act done in a moment of anger, and as she awaits her hearing as to what’s next, her words to my daughter in a letter broke my heart, “Please don’t give up on me, I made a mistake, but I know what I did, and I now know what I need to do to make sure I never do it again.  I promise I’m still the same **Name**, I just really messed up.”

I had two opportunities last week to speak love into someone else’s world.  I treasured both of them, not because these are my close buddies and it’s so easy, but because both of these ladies were just in my day and in a world where everything else is trying to convince us this is a hurried, throw away, me, don’t have time to stop, instant gratification, I’ll do it later, independent society, I wanted these two ladies to know they were more than worth my time.  They are valued.  Worth looking into their eyes, and smiling.  Worth the right now, not later.  Worth the ask.  Worth the effort.  Now, before you think I am breaking my arm patting myself on the back here, it also begs the question to myself, I took advantage of two opportunities, how many others did I miss?  How many people did I encounter in the 168 hours that I was blessed with in my week?  How many did I not even stop long enough to notice?  I’ve still a long way to go…

How can I specifically pray for you this week?  I really want to know, and I really will pray for you!  I want you to know you are valued!  You are you, and there is only one, and that makes you priceless!

(***My disclaimer…….I have a personal relationship with my God, and I pray for our country and nation and I am blessed to live in this free country.  I have a son serving in our military and many past generations of family that did the same.  That said, to say, I will at no point engage in arguments of religion or politics. I hope you understand.)


white paper with yeah signage
Photo by on

Can you hear me squeal? (Tap, tap, tap), is this thing on?

First day, and gosh, what a journey this will be!

We need each other! We need to be heard, we desire to be counted, we deserve to be valued! This is where we will start; so if you have few minutes, get comfy, grab a beverage of your choice, pull up a chair and lets get to know each other! I would love to hear about your day and tell you all about mine!